I don’t particularly enjoy being around gaggles of people. I find many, if not most, to be pretty repulsive. People don’t wash their hands, they walk too close behind, and they speak about things that only reflect themselves like some muddy puddle. Maybe I am also guilty of these charges (besides the washing of the hands). But I cannot find the will to continue. Death is a wish I wish for often because I do not want to live in the cesspool that is modern life, human life.

Stupidly, I asked a “friend” to go for a walk with me and it was a mistake. I thought I was ready to form meaningful relationships, but I am not. I see everything as transactional and I try to find value in everything. Is there value simply in strolling amongst Nature? Not unless something productive comes of it, something I can work on to another end. The truth is, there is no value in anything. When we die, we cease to have value but to the bugs which eat our carcasses. When we are alive, do we have value? I do not know.